


Lying in the Ocean

by ChickenXD



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Grief/Mourning, Loneliness, M/M, hank is literally here in spirit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 01:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: Connor struggling with his purpose after Hank is gone.





	Lying in the Ocean

_ “Hi, this is Hank. Not here at the moment. You can leave a message if that’s what turns you on but don’t expect me to call back.  _

_ “Beep… whatever.” _

 

Connor puts down on the phone on the bedside table and slowly gets up. 

 

Today is Tuesday, September 4th, 2045. 

It will be a sunny day, though a cloudy one. The current temperature is 89º Fahrenheit, the humidity is currently 35%. Chance of rain is 0%.

 

He opens the wardrobe and looks at the clothes inside. Most of them belongs to Hank, of course – they’ve been washed and neatly folded or hung from the rack. Connor has a few clothes – he doesn’t need to change that often since he doesn’t sweat like humans, but Hank got bored of him wearing the same clothes for days. 

He picks up a grey Detroit Tigers hoodie – it was Hank’s. It’s a little big on him, but Hank still gave it to him, saying he looked good in it. 

Connor buries his face into the fabric and takes a deep breath. 

It mostly smells like laundry soap now, but there are still traces of Hank’s scent on it.

 

He walks into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

The same face, as always – it hasn’t changed from when he was first activated, seven years ago. No wrinkles or blemishes or scars, no facial hair that he can shave. 

The blue LED on his temple shines as brightly as ever. 

He’s asked Hank if he would prefer that Connor take it out, so he can blend in better with other humans. 

“Shit, Connor, it’s your body, you decide,” Hank replied, “I don’t mind it being there, I mean, I’m kinda used to it by now.”

“I thought you don’t like seeing it, since it’s what makes me look different from humans.” 

“Just take it out if you’re sick of it, don’t use me to justify it.”

Connor ended up leaving it in, so Hank can tell his status as the rings change colors.

 

“Today will be fabulous,” according to the green post-it note on the mirror. 

 

What shall he do today?

He walks out of the bathroom into the empty living room. 

He turns on the TV as he sits down on the couch – it’s on the movie channel, Hank’s favorite. They mostly play old movies, which Hank said reminded him of his younger days. 

“I used to sneak into theatres with my friends,” Hank told him once, “Friday night, nothing to do, we’ll go to our nearest theatre and go in through the back. They don’t even check if we have tickets at the cinema door, so we just walk in.”

“I thought that’s illegal.”

“Oh yeah, we got kicked out a bunch of times.” Hank smiles, “But we come back the next week, they don’t even remember our faces.”

 

**Edge of Tomorrow – Original release 2014. Starring Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt.**

According to the database, it’s about a soldier who was stuck in a time loop, and has to defeat aliens with another soldier who has discovered his ability to time travel. His ability was caused by contact with the aliens’ blood–

_ “Shut up, Connor. No spoilers.” _

That’s what Hank would usually say.

 

It was only ten o’clock when Connor turns off the TV. The movie wasn’t over yet, but he already knows how it was going to end, so he decided there was no point in watching it. 

...and now what?

Usually he needs to fix breakfast for Hank – his favorite was some pancakes with a sunny-side up egg and crispy bacon – but androids don’t need to eat. Even if he made something, nobody would eat it; he would leave it on the table until the food has gone cold and throw it away.

 

Time is still passing. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Connor closes his eyes and counts along. 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. 

Time only moves forwards, never backwards. 

  
  


All he could think of then was that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Hank. 

He would wait outside the room even when visitation hours are over. He would watch Hank through the window, how his chest rhythmically rises and falls with every breath. 

“You know you don’t have to wait here, right? I won’t be going home anytime soon.”

“I want to be here.”

Hank would just sigh every time Connor gave him that reply. 

“Would you prefer that I go home?”

“It’s just… I’m sure you have better things to do.”

“There is nowhere I would rather be but here by your side, Hank.”

 

He liked resting his head on Hank’s chest while Hank pets his head. 

The faint sound of Hank’s heartbeat echoing through his ribcage, the warmth of his body, his slow breathing. The little things that Connor doesn’t have as an android. 

It’s painful, watching Hank slowly wither away in front of him and not being able to do anything. Still, Hank has made it very clear that he has no interest in staying alive longer than necessary. Clearly it was the best option for him. 

 

The doorbell buzzes loudly, snapping Connor out of his thoughts. 

He doesn’t get a lot of visitors anymore. People from social services used to come to visit, and Connor would have to turn them away – Ben Collins and Jeffrey Fowler also comes in every month to check on him, but the next visit should be in another week or so.

He opens his eyes and gets up to the door. He quickly checks through the window to look outside–

It’s Markus. He notices Connor looking at him from the inside and waves at him.

 

“Hi, Markus,” Connor greets as he opens the door, “Please, come in.”

“How are you doing, Connor?”

“I’m doing great!” Connor replied, “I imagine you must have been busy.”

Markus steps inside the house and looks around. 

Everything is sparkling clean, not a single speck of dust anywhere, almost as if it has been obsessively cleaned. The smell of lemons lingers in the air. 

“So you live here alone now, huh?”

Connor pretty much has nothing else to do other than clean. It probably doesn’t even get that dirty around here, now that he’s living alone, but he does it anyway, just to kill time. 

“Make yourself at home,” Connor said, “Would you like some phosphorus tea?”

“It’s alright, I’m just here to see you.”

Connor smiles, “Thank you. I’m doing alright, Markus.”

Markus sits down on the couch, as Connor heads into the kitchen. 

“Let me make it for you,” Connor said, before Markus could refuse – “It’s going to take me years to finish all of this by myself.”

“Well, alright then.”

Markus watches as Connor shakily opens a big glass jar filled with brown powder, and dumps a scoop into a mug. He carefully pours water into the cup, and some smoke starts steaming out. 

He notices that Connor’s hands are trembling as he hands Markus the mug.

“Thank you.”

“How is everything, Markus?” Connor asks, “Is Carl doing alright?”

“Yeah. He’s mostly bedridden now, but he still paints and all that,” Markus replied, “Leo comes to see him more often now.”

“I assume the two of you have reconciled?”

Markus sighs, “To some extent.”

“That’s nice.”

Markus takes a sip out of the tea, then places the mug on the table. 

“What about you, Connor?” Markus asked, “How long have you been living alone?”

Connor’s LED turns yellow. 

“For the past seven months or so.”

“I’m sorry,” Markus mutters, “About Lieutenant Anderson.”

“It’s alright,” Connor replied, “I’m adjusting just fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Markus would say, but decides to hold back. Nothing’s normal about an android who has not been seen outside for more than six months. 

Maybe Connor just hasn’t realized that this isn’t right yet. That was supposed to be the whole point of Markus’s visit.

  
  


“When was the last time you went outside the house?”

Connor’s LED turns yellow again. 

“I believe it was for Hank’s funeral,” Connor replied, “That would be the February 13th of this year.

“Does that not strike you as odd?”

“I have nothing to do outside,” Connor replied, “I don’t generate trash like humans. I don’t need to eat. I don’t need to socialize. If I open all the windows for ten minutes every day, there’s enough oxygen for me to go around.”

“So what do you do in here?” 

“Passing time,” Connor replied, “Hank still has a lot of books that I haven’t read that I cannot find in my database. There’s still a lot of music that I haven’t listened to. I like listening to his voice, from events I have recorded in my memory. When I enter stasis, sometimes these memories would replay, sort of like dreams, as humans would call it.”

Connor abruptly stops, his LED red. 

“I realize Hank didn’t want me to end up like this,” he said, “But I have no other purpose, no mission to fulfill anymore.”

“We can give you a new mission,” Markus said, “You’re an excellent negotiator, Connor. You should join our efforts to pass the android equality bill.”

“What’s in it for me, Markus?” Connor asks, “Hank’s gone. Nothing I do will ever bring him back.”

“Yes, but you have to move on,” Markus said, “Nothing can change the past, but you can learn to live for yourself, Connor. I’m sure that’s what Hank would want from you.”

  
  


One of the first things Connor did as soon as he moved in was to keep the gun out of Hank’s sight. Hank must have noticed it missing at some point, but never asked him. 

He used to be confused why Hank was so determined to kill himself. Back at the bridge Hank told him he was too much of a coward to shoot himself…

But Connor feels like he can understand better now. 

“What wouldn’t I do to hold him in my arms one last time.”

His original mission was to investigate the deviants, but somewhere along the way all he wanted to do was to stay with Hank.

Nothing’s going to bring him back. That made everything feel so, so pointless. 

 

He thought he was ready. It’s not like Hank died suddenly – they knew it was going to happen sooner or later. 

When the doctor told them about the cancer, it all suddenly became so real, something that was going to happen soon – but Hank still acted as if everything was fine, and for a while, that convinced Connor, too. 

Was it out of concern for Connor, or, as much as Connor hates to think about it, because he was looking forward to die?

 

“I’m just gonna go see my son again.”

He smiled as he gently cupped Connor’s cheeks. 

Hank seems happy – but it doesn’t change the fact that Connor was never ready.

“You’ll be fine without me, huh, Connor?” he said, “Finally you’re not carrying this deadweight anymore.”

 

Connor’s thought about ending it all. If he pulls out his regulator, it would all be over in sixty seconds – but that’s not what Hank would want him to do, either. 

He’s never had anyone or anything else other than Hank. Hank was the sun, the center of his entire world.

He doesn’t even have the consolation of knowing that he can see Hank again in the afterlife. It’s pointless to stay alive, yet it’s pointless to die.

  
  


_ “Hi, this is Hank. Not here at the moment. You can leave a message if that’s what turns you on but don’t expect me to call back.  _

_ “Beep… whatever.” _

 

“Hi Hank, this is Connor.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to piece together words in his mind. 

Imagines that Hank is actually listening. 

“Everything still reminds me of you, Hank,” he mutters quietly, “I don’t know how much longer I can continue like this.”

**Author's Note:**

> me the One time i'm not writing a reverse au: writes this  
> either way lads catch me on twatter @1isblue


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